As someone who has lived in Amsterdam, I’ve had my fair share of family and friends visiting. Needless to say, I’ve had some bad houseguests, including one who showed up at my door with no notice only to keep me awake all night on a work night with being noisy. I’m not the only one who has had rude houseguests, so I’ve asked my fellow travel bloggers for their houseguest etiquette 101 with some tips on how not to be a bad houseguest with some generally good houseguest etiquette.
Contents
- 1 What not to do as a houseguest
- 1.1 Don’t use your friend’s house for sexy time
- 1.2 Don’t leave the house a mess
- 1.3 Don’t overstep boundaries or go through your hosts’ stuff
- 1.3.1 Don’t rely on your host for transportation
- 1.3.2 Don’t eat all the food in the house and not replace it
- 1.3.3 Don’t Turn Up as a Surprise Guest
- 1.3.4 Don’t expect your host to be your tour guide
- 1.3.5 Don’t overstay your welcome
- 1.3.6 Don’t treat your friend’s apartment like a hotel or Airbnb
- 1.3.7 Don’t expect your friends to go out each night with you
- 1.3.8 Watch your kids. Your friend’s house is not a childcare.
- 1.3.9 Ask your host before having people over; DO NOT have a party
- 1.3.10 Replace everything that you lose/break and/or offer to pay
- 1.3.11 Don’t fall asleep while cooking or burn down your friend’s house
- 2 Houseguest etiquette: How to be a good houseguest
What not to do as a houseguest
I’ve asked my fellow travel bloggers for their bad guest stories to teach you what not to do as a houseguest and provide some tips for being a houseguest when staying with friends or family. Know someone who needs a nudge about their behavior? Share this post!
Don’t use your friend’s house for sexy time
After my husband and I moved from Boston to London, we had tons of people wanting to stay with us. Our flat had two bedrooms, so it wasn’t that inconvenient. However, a few friends had never left the U.S. before and thought it’d be a good opportunity to ‘get to know’ the locals of London. And by get to know, I mean invite them back to the flat in the middle of the night to sneak them in and have a naughty sleepover. Not great. One guest realized Tinder worked internationally and asked if they could throw a party in our tiny apartment with new ‘friends’ they met that day online!
I didn’t think I’d have to do this, but we had to be up front with a rule about no outside guests/strangers could come over without a head’s up. My tip on how to be a good houseguest would be to set clear boundaries if there’s some deal breakers before your friends arrive. – Eileen Cotter Wright, from Pure Wander
Don’t leave the house a mess
As a frequent traveler, I often stay at my friends’ places and have my friends from other countries come over to stay at my place. I know that hosting someone needs to be a pleasant experience for the host and not something to worry about. I take extreme care to be a good guest too.
A few months back, we had a guest come over and stay with us for a few days. That week was bad for me because the guest was an extremely messy person and I love keeping things tidy as much as possible. He did not think anything about throwing a wet towel on the couch or leaving all kinds of paper receipts on the guest room floor. I was shocked at the state of the guest bathroom. Hair everywhere, water on the floor…
Guests should always consider the hosts’ comfort and avoid behaving as if they’re home. Sometimes, it is better to consult the host on how to go about something you are not sure of like “where to hang the towel to dry”. Always try to leave as minimal mess as possible and better yet, offer to help your host to clean up. -Priyadarshini from Glorious Sunrise.
Don’t overstep boundaries or go through your hosts’ stuff
Since moving to Costa Rica, I have been happy to offer a crash space for my friends whenever possible and it’s always been pleasant…until my last house guest. She was a return guest, a long-time friend and I always appreciated her company, especially as she was a talented cook all too happy to prepare nearly every meal and always kept her space clean.
During her last visit, I had to dogsit one night so offered to let her sleep in my bed as opposed to her makeshift bed in the living space. Obviously our bedrooms are our most intimate space but I thought nothing of letting her share it since I wasn’t sleeping there and when she sent me a text that she was “organizing”, I just automatically assumed she was referring to the kitchen.
Imagine my surprise – and subsequent feelings of privacy invasion – when I returned home to find that her “organizing” had actually been of my bedroom and that all of my belongings had been touched. Including the pile of dirty clothes I had on the floor waiting to be washed, which she folded…and put back into my closet. I admit that I definitely do fall on the side of disorganized, especially in my bedroom, but I KNOW where all of my stuff is. If I wanted everything neatly put somewhere, I would do it myself. I appreciated that she had done basic cleaning, like changing my sheets for me, but felt completely violated that she had rummaged through nearly all of my stuff in her attempts to “organize”.
Tip on being a good house guest: it’s always nice to clean up after yourself and doing superficial cleaning, but there’s a line between organizing a shared space and invasion of privacy. – Sky from Skyvsworld
Don’t rely on your host for transportation
We have hosted over 500 Couchsurfing guests at our place in Atlanta, and while bad experiences seldom occur, there are a few experiences that stuck with us as not so pleasant. One in particular that annoys us is when guests expect us to drive them places.
Atlanta has a public transportation, but it can definitely use some improvement. It’s not extensive enough to get people around a growing metropolis of 6 million inhabitants. A car is somewhat essential here, and not many backpackers have the budget to rent a car.
One guests once asked me on where a particular restaurant was – an acquaintance of his wanted him to meet for dinner there. It was, unfortunately, out of reach by of public transportation. Since I was at home, he asked me mid-conversation whether I could give him a ride. It caught me off guard, and I regrettably couldn’t avoid it.
I agreed to drop him off, even though he didn’t even invite me to join them for dinner. When I was back home for about an hour, my phone rang, and voila – he was on the other line, asking me to pick him up. I told him no.
My advice is, whether you’re good friends or a Couchsurfer staying with a host, to not rely on your host to drive you to places. Be self-sufficient – use Uber, Lyft, or public transportation. If you’re unable to be completely self-sufficient when you travel, ask yourself whether or not now is the best time for you to even go. -Halef from thertwguys
Don’t eat all the food in the house and not replace it
I said, “Make yourself at home, help yourself to something to eat.” Isn’t that what a polite host says to their house guest? Maybe it’s my own fault for not hiding the box of chocolates in the back of my bedroom cupboard and not labelling the steak with “tonight’s dinner”. Who makes themselves a full steak dinner on a Thursday afternoon?
Dear Visitor,
If you are a guest in someone’s house, please note the true meaning of “make yourself at home”: feel free to relax and watch TV, check your emails, and make yourself a cup of tea. However, do your dishes, pick up your towels, and make your bed. This is not a hotel. Helping yourself to food means have a bowl of muesli, a biscuit or a sandwich, not rifling through cupboards and making yourself a banquet with the full contents of the fridge! Next time, I recommend you check out the Airbnb down the road.
Best Regards,
Your Gracious Host
-Kaylie from Happiness Travels Here
Don’t Turn Up as a Surprise Guest
Some surprises are good. Winning the lottery, an all-expenses-paid holiday, possibly even birthday parties (depends on the person….) In my experience though, surprise house guests aren’t the good kind of surprise.
I hate to sound churlish (well, actually, I don’t), but hosting a guest takes time and effort; time and effort we’re more than willing to give, but only if we have a little notice. Surprising someone with your unsolicited stay in their house is not the done thing or kind to your host.
I used to live in Dubai and have dealt with more than my fair share of surprise guests. More than one of my friends thought it would be a lovely treat to book their tickets with a few days layover in Dubai and surprise me with the info that they were coming to stay days (and once hours) before they were due to arrive.
The result? I had to drop everything and rearrange plans to play the role of the perfect host. Good thing they were good friends, but each of them still has a black mark against their name in the bad visitor guest book several years later. -Julianna, The Discoveries Of
Don’t expect your host to be your tour guide
I know it’s exciting when you are visiting a new destination. You’re staying with a friend and they’re going to show you all of the dope spots during the day and you’re going to party all night. Sounds fun right? It is. When you’re on holiday. The thing is, if you’re staying with a friend, the chances are they aren’t on holiday.
As someone who has juggled work, day-to-day life and an overly-ambitious guest’s itinerary time and time again, it’s exhausting! There’s only so many nights this girl can drink cocktails until dawn and put in a proper day’s work the day after, and that number is zero.
One buddy turned up to Dubai with a jam-packed four day itinerary and then was disgruntled when I reminded them that I’d only been able to take two days off work, so they’d have to explore solo for two days. First up, your host has probably seen all the things that you are desperate to see, but they’ll go anyway. Organising a few things / days where you explore on your own is often appreciated. -Julianna
Don’t overstay your welcome
Have you ever had that guest that doesn’t know when to go home? You’ve invited them to stay for a few days and its starting to get a bit awkward and they still haven’t mentioned when they might be moving on. Its such a horrible feeling to have to ask someone to leave, especially when they might be a family member.
We all have busy lives, those with kids like us, are running from sporting commitments to music classes every night and hardly have a chance to get dinner on the table. Having an extra person here for a night to two would be fine but for a week or more would be an imposition. People need to read the signs and recognise when their hosts are getting fed up. Particularly when your host starts enquiring about your next stop and when you might be heading there!
Don’t treat your friend’s apartment like a hotel or Airbnb
I love catching up with people and since moving abroad, I often have people getting in touch for a beer or a coffee to catch up over years past. It’s great, however if you’re living somewhere that is a big tourist destination, you’re likely to have acquaintances that you haven’t seen in years mention that they might be in town and if they can stay with you. Sometimes I say yes, however I’ve been burned a few times, so I think that it’s important to mention that staying with a friend is not staying at a hotel or Airbnb where you can choose to ignore your host if you so choose.
There’s a human component to staying with family or friends. They say yes often with the hopes that you’ll get to catch up and get some quality time together. Often, if you’re living far apart, it’s hard to get that quality time is that is easy to get in person, however don’t be a rude house guest. Remember that you can’t retreat back to your room every evening and making an effort each day, even if your friend/family member has to work, to spend a little time together without imposing too much. It’s good to remember that they agreed for a reason and they are putting in the time/effort to host you!
Make an effort to engage with your host regularly and better yet: thank your colleague/family member for hosting you with a thoughtful gift. It doesn’t need to be anything big, but a nice bottle of wine or treating your family/friend to a nice meal out can go a long way to show your thanks. At minimum, just try to sit in the living room (unless you feel like you’re imposing) and be open to making a little conversation. It’s not cool to disappear for days on/end while hiding in your friend’s guest room when we’re wondering what you’re up to. Book a hotel room if you want to avoid social interactions. -Jaime from the Travel Bug
Don’t expect your friends to go out each night with you
You might be on vacation, but your host may not be. If it’s their home, they probably have work and obligations that aren’t always so easy to get out of. Even if you’re understanding of this, remember that your friend might not have the energy (or cash) to go out with you each nice. It’s nice to be invited out to dinner, but a week’s worth of dinners add up, especially if your host is on a budget. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for recommendations, but don’t be afraid to be independent and/or get takeout, so you can eat together with your friend (who might be cooking at home). Another good solution: buy some ingredients or go to the supermarket with your host, so you can cook dinner at home together. -Annie from Just Travel
Watch your kids. Your friend’s house is not a childcare.
I am old and cranky and have encouraged my own children not to have children as I would be what they call a mean grandma. When young friends of ours came to visit us while house sitting in Mexico, I said “sure bring the kids”. My expectation was that since they were such good parents at home, there wouldn’t be any issues. Unfortunately I was wrong, badly wrong. From the moment, they arrived at the airport and I saw the kids running around and screaming, I knew it was about to get a lot worse.
Hell came to stay began with mom decided to check out while sunbathing, dad decided to drink, and the kids jumped into a shallow pool. After my husband made a joke making clear that he was annoyed, we had no problem with either of the kids. The parents on the other hand continued to behave badly and will never be invited back. -Faith from https://xyuandbeyond.com
Ask your host before having people over; DO NOT have a party
Most people enjoy visits from their friends. It can be so much fun having people they know stay for a night or longer… if they know a person. Not everyone loves strangers in their apartment. If you happen to visit a friend or acquaintance, make sure to ask whether you can bring other people around.
Replace everything that you lose/break and/or offer to pay
You’re staying with someone for a couple days and something breaks or you lose something. No big, right? Stuff happens. If you break or lose something, own up to it before the last day and/or offer to replace it. Sometimes, it’s hard to replace, but at least make the effort to give some money towards the value.
One houseguest left after dropping the news of losing something that I contributed half the cost to with the intention of using it after she left. Needless to say, exiting without an apology, offering pay me back the cost and looking for said item one last time after a week of staying in my then-studio apartment for a week wasn’t cool. I ended up having spending hours of phone calls and emails to see if I could replace it on my own. I never got an email back from her after she left and I sent an email just asking for an apology. It’s been over a year.
Don’t fall asleep while cooking or burn down your friend’s house
I have had my fair share of guests spending the night for the week when I lived in Las Vegas. On the whole, most of my friends are respectful and leave things cleaner than when they arrived. There was, however, that one guest…..
I had just bought a brand new townhouse and it was only 2 months old, and my guest almost burnt it down. It was a dark and stormy night…..it really was. I had just come home from a hard day at the office. I pulled into the garage, closed the garage door and headed inside unaware of what I was about to find. As soon as I cracked the door open, I smelled smoke and something crackling loudly. I rushed inside, the panic mounting and found my guest ASLEEP on the couch while her meal was smoking on the stove.
I had to shake her awake, yelled at her that her food was burning, and smoking up the whole house. My cupboards were spotted with grease like a checkerboard game gone wrong. I quickly turned off the stove and doused the charred greasy food inside the pan with water quickly. Not only did she almost burn the house down, but also set a silicon lined teapot on the stove to heat it up that evening. Needless to say, she didn’t stay very long and has not been back. Moral of the story: don’t fall asleep or get excessively drunk or high right before cooking… -Janiel from culturetrekking.com
Houseguest etiquette: How to be a good houseguest
You’ve read enough horror stories about rude house guests, so here’s some quick tips on houseguest etiquette and how to be a good houseguest. Most hosts are just looking for someone who appreciates staying with them, is self-sufficient, and will treat their stuff/house with respect. Beyond that, we’re mostly just excited to spend time with you.
- Give your host enough notice before you come.
- If you want to bring someone over, ask your host first. Don’t assume it’s okay.
- Be mindful that your host might be working/tired and can’t show you around.
- Be independent. I know that you want to spend time with your friend, but being a good houseguest sometimes means that you need to entertain yourself. There’s a whole internet full of possibilities. 😉
- Clean up after yourself and try harder to be neater than you are at home.
- Even if your schedule and your host’s schedule is packed, make time to coffee with your host (or something) each day.
- Bring something as a thank you. It can be small, but even a box of chocolate can go a long way.
- Replace the food that you eat and consider taking a trip to the supermarket.
- Feel out your hosts’ expectations. Do they expect you come downstairs fully dressed?
- Make an effort to say hi and be social with your host while having boundaries.
- If you break something or lose something, replace it and/or offer something in return.
Tell me your worst houseguest stories and some houseguest etiquette that you wish that people would learn…
Feel free to passively aggressively share this post on timeline and leave all your previous houseguests guessing if they made the cut. 😉
What if the host tell me not to sit on her bed. It was 2 PM in the afternoon.?? I was dress in my street clothes. Do you think it was Rude.
Absolutely not. Some people – me included – just hate when street clothes touch anything in the bedroom. Imagine you sat somewhere and it has been shat on by birds, but you didn’t notice. And then you sit on your host’s bed with these stained pants. Quite disgusting, isn’t it?
You probably also don’t want to sleep on filthy sheets..
I wouldn’t want a guest in my bedroom or sitting on my bed.
Hi,
Absolutely, everyone has their preferences when it comes to hosting:)
Hosting is a personal choice, and it’s great that you’re aware of your boundaries. There are various hosting styles and options, and it’s all about finding what works best for you and your comfort level.
Your Wanderlustingk Team
I have had a lot of great houseguests, and a few horror guests and everything in between.
I will have to save this list and share it later. Because right now I have a houseguest staying at our place that definitely belong on the list of bad house guests.
I found it hard to say no to my sister-in-law when she asked to stay at our place for one week while taking a class in the city we live in. She now thinks I hate her, which I don’t. But since my work entails tight deadlines, creativity on demand, and a lot of human interaction, I find that I do not have enough of me left to give to a demanding houseguest after work.
The first issue arose due to our cats. One of our cats love plastic. This means that plastic bags or any kind of soft plastic left out in the open is at risk of being devoured. The problem is that plastic is not good for him and could lead to serious issues in the intestine requiring surgery. Needless to say, it is something we always warn our guests about. We even add the warning in party invitations (bring plastic at your own risk, the cat will fight you for it). But my sister-in-law found this rule annoying. When my husband confronted her about leaving a particularly tasty plastic bag on the counter, she got upset and yelled that the cat had not swallowed the whole bag yet. It would have been ok if she had just apologized about her mistake, because mistakes happen. But instead, she tried to talk us out of our perhaps most important house rule.
Unfortunately, this is not the only conflict or minor annoyance.
Her allergies change on a daily basis (I am pretty sure allergies do not work like that) and asking her to write them down upsets her. She says she needs time ot read for her class, but gets upset if we are not hanging out in the same room. She gets upset if the TV is on because of the noise, but find it fine to call people using speaker phone and setting the volume to max. She does not seem to understand that we cannot afford nor have time to cook gourmet meals in the middle of our work week, wondering out loud if I can cook since I just make quick and easy recipes (like pasta and tomato sauce, or just salad, or veggie wok). I noticed she borrowed my shaver without asking, and that feels quite weird. She also leaves food out on the counter, to the cats’ delight and our horror (cheese is not great for cats either).
She also seems to lack volume control of her own voice and speaks uncomfortably loudly. My husband did ask her (nicely) to maybe lower her voice a bit, but she just laughed and said that her voice is nothing compared to how her kids yell at her home, and that if we ever get kids we need to get used to it. I am not even sure that we want or can have kids, and found that comment quite hurtful. Her need to try and hurt us whenever she is asked to change her behavior makes it difficult to deal with the issues we have with her (so far, we have only asked her to stop leaving plastic out and lower her voice).
I guess, having relatives over can be the worst. You feel like you need to make it work, because you are related. And I really like my in-laws and I know it would be upsetting to them if we did not get along. The combination of wanting to make it work, and at the same time feel like your home and privacy is being invaded is quite horrible.
One thing is clear, my sister-in-law and I would probably have a better relationship if she never stayed in our home.
This was great reading. After our last house guest, a relative, left last week we were wondering what mistakes WE made as hosts since it seems this cousin did a lot of bad house guest things. Part of it was our fault. We didn’t set limits BEFORE she arrived. Those would have been: We aren’t going to drive around as tour guides every day, ALL day, paying for ferry tolls and meals on the road for you every time. We aren’t going to offer to pay for all the food when we cook for you in our home, you might have to cook once in awhile! We aren’t going to stay up with you every night late, We might want to hang out without you so you might have to have some alone time!
The capper was the gift she gave us at the end of her stay, which she apologized for BEFORE she gave it to us. Once opened, I see why. I think it cost her $12.50. I know, I know, a gift is a gift but we also let her choose many items she wanted from inherited family artwork. So I won’t be inviting her back. She got her artwork, she got her tour of a hip city. Now she’s welcome to stay in an airbNb next time and we’ll meet up with her at a restaurant, etc. and split the food bill! Relative or not, taking advantage of us was wrong and we let it happen. The Lonely Planet has a list of guests does and don’ts and also advice for the host that really helped us for our next visitor!
One no-no barely alluded to in the post is this: don’t unilaterally decide to be “helpful” by rearranging furniture or kitchen items to suit what you think is more artistic or efficient. This is WAY over the line for any guest to indulge in.
We had a friend come visit us in our new city. She sat on the furniture with her feet up on it picking her toes and leaving bits of toenail and skin all over the sofa. She lines her underpants with toilet paper and was “shedding” bits and pieces of toilet paper all over the house (stained toilet paper). A bath towel was ruined with hair dye. And the final straw was when we found feces smeared on the outside of the toilet bowl. We can’t figure out what happened there to lead to that, and we really don’t want to think about it too hard. This guest will never be allowed to stay with us again.
… Wow.
I just had a houseguest who fed her cat in the bed. First of all, she brought an Uninvited cat. She came without a cat box and used a cardboard boot box of mine without asking. She was in a separate part of the house so I never really investigated her room or the bathroom. When she left, I found the cat food bowl in the bed under the duvet. There was cat vomit and human fecal matter on the sheets. She got sick in the bathroom and never cleaned up after herself. She emptied the litter box in the and left cat poop on the floor.. She only showered once in the two weeks she was here. Need I go on? I will never ever ever ever have another houseguest.
Hi, I would like to share my current experience. This is a younger sibling. I’m old enough to be their mother so the usual sibling relationship does not exist as I left home when she was 2. We decided to help this person as they were a single parent and deserted by their spouse more than 15 years ago.
I’ll keep it simple by just listing the things that annoy me.:
*always leaves tea bag in cup or sink
*makes food and puts all away except 1 or 2 items. (e.g. slice of tomato left on counter top on a dish they got out just to put the leftover slice on.) but leaves uncovered on counter top. (hmm, I wonder how that item is going to get covered and put in the frig?)
*Quite often leaves dirty dishes in sink instead of dishwasher.
* Laughs at the communication between my husband me. (This one bothers me the most) My husband has some hearing loss and communication is difficult at times. This person laughs quite heartily – like we were a TV sitcom for their enjoyment. At first this did not bother me and I laughed with them, but now I am quit conscious of anytime I communicate with him. I beginning to think that this is rude and a way of diminishing my husband and me because this person relies on us for her room and board.
*They assume I know nothing electronically (or anything else for that matter) and they jump in to take over what I am doing. (I have been working on computers since you had to use dos commands to operate.)
*leaves toilet seats up (they have been here over 5 months – and have observed that we never do this).
*interferes with my conversations with my husband and will tell me if they think I interrupted him.
* invited someone to our house for the evening without asking if it was okay.
I have no intentions of throwing this person out. But it is getting a little uncomfortable for me at times. I did not put down house rules when they came because I thought they were mature enough to know better. Now I feel like I just have to suck it up. I can’t think of any easy way to approach these things without upsetting this person. I have thought of just making a list that would be greatly appreciated and very helpful to me, but I’m afraid it will still be offensive since I did not bring up house rules at the get go. (I won’t make that mistake again)!
P.S.
In all fairness I need to give them credit for helping with some things – like setting the table for dinner and vacuuming the floor 2 x’s ( in 5 months.) They have helped with errands and some of the preparations for Thanksgiving, which I am very grateful for.
I put an expensive Candle in my guests bedroom which she took with her at the end of her stay ; is this acceptable? Am I being too precious ?
That is really annoying :/
It is not acceptable if a guest takes any belongings from your home, unless the host had marked the item clearly as a gift (sometimes for certain guests, I’ll leave a guest gift basket with cute soaps, toiletry items, some foodstuffs, etc. with a hang tag that says something like, “Welcome! Gifts For You xoxo”) or if the host verbally confirmed which item can be taken by the guest. Sometimes I’ve had guests compliment an item in my home and either ask me where I bought it or if they can buy it from me, and it’s acceptable if they approach it politely. I’ve also had an expensive candle in my guest room (it came in a set of 3 and I thought it also looked great in the guest bedroom) and a guest took it without asking a few weeks ago. I completely understand you. The candle was not marked and nowhere near the “guest basket” that I made for her. It shocked me and made me nervous if anything else was taken. Looking over my whole home was stressful.
If you’re curious if I did anything after to address it, I did. (I’m not suggesting anyone do this and am enjoying the storytelling in these comments.) I called her and asked for the candle back as politely as possible. I explained that the candle set was a custom order. Both the fragrance combination and the jar artwork were custom made. She understood, apologized, and returned the candle. Unfortunately, some of the glass was chipped on one side (I just face the good side towards the bedroom but was irritated) and a quarter of the the candle was used (it was only 2 days that she had it but whatever!). She offered to buy me a new one but withdrew when she saw the price. Understandable and a nice gesture but wasn’t expecting a replacement anyway. Lastly, even though I was upset and uncomfortable, I still wanted to know what she was thinking and if anything was confusing. I waited until I saw her a couple weeks later and I asked in person, “Curious for me, was there anything confusing about the guest gift basket or did I do anything to make it seem like it was a gift? Now that I think about it, I am so sorry if I put you in a position where it was ambiguous and that awkward interaction happened.” After a long, awkward pause, she said, “I’m sorry, I don’t think I was thinking. I just took it. I feel so bad and awkward now because it was already so nice that you made me a basket. I’ve never had that before.” I replied, “Thank you so much for being honest, that must have taken some courage for you to do. I really respect that. And, not be rude, but did you happen to take anything else that was not in the basket, even if it was on accident? I have so much stuff in my home and I’m not the best at keeping track.” She said after another pause, “Yeah… I’m sorry. I took one of your crystal looking soaps from the top of your bathroom cabinet and one of your Poo-Pourri bottles. There were several of them and I thought they were backups and that I could take them, kind of like how you can take soaps and stuff from hotel rooms.” Needless to say, I won’t be inviting that guest back any time soon, if ever.
My daughter in law visits a few times a year. They live a five hour drive away. There are just the two of them. She brings bags and bags of groceries, her own bedding and pillows. We bought $475 worth of groceries, I had all meals planned, both refrigerators full, and here she comes (again) with all her stuff. We live in a nice 5,000 sq ft house, have a housekeeper. I just think it’s so wrong to haul all that stuff into our house.
Oh, my. I sooo understand how annoying this is! My mother-in-law does the same thing. She never gives us more than 48 hours notice that she is coming, she stays and stays and stays (we’re talking weeks, here), and she drags in her cooler, bags and boxes of groceries and clutters up my kitchen and foyer with it all. The she asks me to rearrange my fridge to make room for her stuff. She blocks my access to my staples shelving. She KNOWS that I know how to cook for special diets (I have run green rooms and cooked for 5 Doctor Who;s and 7 companions, not to mention numerous authors and performers.) and yet she drags all her crap into my house. Arrrggghhh!
How about a houseguest who shows up, is kind and all, but then doesn’t leave the house even though you have to work, giving you no privacy what so ever, just sits on the couch waiting for you to entertain them even though you can’t, tries to “help clean” but only seems to get in the way, and on TOP of that doesn’t even have a return date to go home???????? Like, how long will you be staying with us here? Ummm, I don’t know, I guess I’ll see in a couple of days and then decide when would be the best day for me to leave?!?!?!?!??!
Yes, I said it was alright for this person to come and stay, of course they are welcome, but I was also clear about having a busy work schedule and not being able to entertain… Therefore one would assume the guest would entertain themself, go out for walks when they see I have meetings or phone calls, do their own thing, and definitely not stay for too many days……. So a quick visit and a long weekend together would seem to suffice, no? Instead, Im stuck with someone who doesn’t even have a return date…… its been almost a week…..
My pets are family. My pets live in my home and guests should never yell or chase my pets to scare them to stop barking. My guests are strangers to them and is only understandable if they bark at them.
My husbands’s grandson stayed with us because his father basically kicked him out. He did say his girlfriend is going to college and would be “too busy to come over.” Well, not only was she coming over A LOT, she also stayed in his room as messy as he is. He never cleaned the bathroom he used… and she used that restroom as filthy as it was. Not only that, but she was taking her exams online with him giving her the answers. That’s cheating and it ruined my opinion of her pretty much.
I don’t know what my husband has told him or his mom (my stepdaughter),… but she has pretty much stopped coming over to stay and he hardly acknowledges me if he can help it.
Another annoying habit he has is to leave with the front door unlocked. Even after my husband has already told him to lock doors after he leaves.
When my family stays at my home, I lecture them constantly for things they are supposed to do. My husband cannot seem to get on his case.
A room in Amsterdam is around 200 a night. Make sure you leave at least 100 a week per person or 200 per couple towards costs, or stay home!
We once had a houseguest for the summer that was the adult daughter of a close friend. Two hours after her arrival, she complained that she was cold and was homesick already. The next day she told us she was worried about burning the house down while cooking. Three days later she woke us up at 2 am laughing and talking loudly: when we confronted her, she said that she and her SO “can be loud” when on the phone. She fried everything she ate and left a mess every time. Two weeks in, she would avoid us at all costs. She would just run up to the room as fast as possible and would sleep in after we had left for work. One month in, we noticed that she did not take showers during the week. We also noticed a smell coming from her room, through the closed door. When we asked her about all of this (talking at the door) she finally opened the door to speak with us. We noticed that she had garbage overflowing from the waste can, and there were clothes, food, and things strewn across the carpet to where you would not be able to step on the floor without stepping on something. We had had enough. When we spoke with her finding other living arrangements, we agreed that she said she and her things would be out by the weekend after next. We had a family obligation the next week and counted on her to honor that agreement. When we came home late Friday night the next week, her things were still in the room, not cleaned, and we discovered food in the room with bugs. We could not reach her, and we had to clean the room and store her things downstairs that night. The next time we heard from her, we discovered that she was on vacation with her family, and finally called five days after the fact to let us know that she was picking up her things. We will never have another person stay at the house again: that burnt any desire we had to do anyone else a favor.
We live in an amazing turistic area. My new friend came to stay at my house for the second time for a week, to visit me. She woke up late, didnt contribute to pay for food, we used 3 tanks of fuel taking her everywhere and didn’t contribute. We live in a house in a forest … Supermarkets and facilities are an hour away so we are mindful of the use of gas, electricity, and food. She had long showers everyday pretty much at lunchtime. Used the bathroom for 40 min every morning, left my son’s room without ventilating, everything dirty and messy. She ate her breakfast straight on the table cloth not using a plate. I am very organized, polite and these things really annoyed me. She overused the electric heaters, to the point of using the bed warmer all night + the electric heater on all night and then the next day always forgot to turn the heaters off!!! The electric bill was 50% higher that month.
NEVER HAVING that friend again stay in my house. I feel it changed my view on her.
Also in my house is illegal to leave food on the plate….you choose how much you put on your plate and you eat it all. And this friend kept making massive breakfasts with all my food and then pretended to be on a diet and left half a sandwich every morning on thr table all torn apart. Even my 5 year old son had to tell her how to eat properly.
My wife planned a celebration of life for my father-in-law that was hosted at our home and included over 60 guests (mainly relatives of my wife). My wife’s brother, his wife, and three kids asked to stay in our guest bedroom/finished basement during this time for a period of one week (before, during, and after the actual event). My wife was initially reluctant because it is hard to host a big party when you have five overnight guests, however we ultimately agreed. They were helpful during the day of the event, but it was still more difficult than just not having overnight guests. The morning after the event, I was cleaning things up and was told by brother-in-law that I was too loud in my own house (this was about 10:00 a.m.). They previously told my wife that our guest bed was uncomfortable. Both of these comments bothered me, but I just let them go at the time. Later the next night, I mentioned that the overall celebration event was a lot of work and I’ll be glad when things get back to normal. My brother-in-law asked if their staying over night was part of the problem. I responded, as politely as possible, that seven days was a long time for a family to stay at our house. He was upset with the comment and walked away. Should I not have made the comment? Were they in the wrong? Should I simply offer them a hotel in the future?
Dear Bad Situation:
Wow! Your house guests are rude. Sometimes the truth hurts and it is clear that your brother in law did not want to hear the truth. I would give them good hotel recommendations the next time they are in town.